I was feeling like a boss ass bitch and held on to that for dear life while I booked a round trip ticket…solo.
My friends kept asking me if I was sure I wanted to do this alone and I kept saying, “yea, I like traveling alone”, even though I was scared shitless. That scared shitless feeling stayed with me until my plane touched down.
I was stressed, apprehensive, worried and doubtful that I could do this until I landed. Then my whole demeanor changed to excitement and a readiness to DO THE DAMN THING!
As I navigated my way out of the airport I had a quick moment of doubt while the rain and wind pounded on me in the pitch black darkness but that quickly went away when I pulled up to the wonderful amazement that is the Blue Lagoon.
As I stepped in to the 100 degree water and found a spot to sit and relax in the mineral rich paradise, I took in this moment that I had been planning for over 7 months. A moment that was two years in the making but I never thought would happen.
I felt like a superhero, and as I got ready to leave and head to the city center, I took a deep breath ready to take on a trip of a lifetime.
I hit the main spots like…
Gullfoss Waterfall
Glacier Lagoon
Diamond Beach
Pingvellir
Reykjavik’s infamous hot dog stand
Strokkur Geysir
Although the sites left me in awe wondering how something so beautiful can exist in this world, nothing compared to the beauty I was starting to see in myself. I was meeting new people, making international friends, taking time to explore what I wanted. I got to dive in to the moments that would bring me the most joy and say no to the things that I knew wouldn’t. This trip was about me, no compromising, no feeling guilty for suggesting something I really wanted to do. This was about respecting my own autonomy and watching my best life come from it.
Something else I made a point of doing in Iceland was celebrate myself. I mean, IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY WEEKEND AFTER ALL! I made sure to throw on a birthday sash and power strut my ass down the streets of Reykjavik. At first, people from the hostel laughed because they thought I was doing a lot but hey the free shots I got the group rolling with me changed their minds REAL QUICK! I learned that it’s ok to make a big deal about yourself because if you won’t do it, then who the fuck else will.
I wasn’t ready to go home by the end of my trip and now that I think about why it was because deep down I knew this was the beginning of a new phase of my life.
As soon as the plane touched down I broke down in tears.
Tears for being proud of myself
Tears because I was back in my safe place
Tears because I never thought I would see myself the way I did on this trip.
I am a person, who has had some terrible shit happen to them in life but I have figured out how to keep an open heart and move forward through that. I have learned that people are flawed and they will hurt/disappoint me but that doesn’t mean I should treat them any less. I am a person who has done some dumb shit in the name of hurt, and have learned from those mistakes. I am person who can go to fucking Iceland, by themself, in the middle of winter, and be COMPLETELY FUCKING FINE!
It’s going to be a long road but I think I am finally ready to start healing.
Until next time, xoxo – Stephy
Love this. Thanks for sharing. Yes to celebrating yourself and healing.
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