Do you ever have me time?
Time that is just for you?
No intruding thoughts about work or your day to day, just being with yourself in the present moment.
I don’t do that enough but when I reflect on the times I do it’s always when I go for a run.
Yes, I said run.
Self-care has been fed to me in the form of face masks, bubble baths, eating good and relaxing.
Although I do indulge in these things, I find that my ultimate form of self care is getting my body active and going for a run.
Before you unsubcribe because you just realized a person who runs for fun just ain’t your vibe, let me explain.
I was someone who hated running.
I did it because it was good cardio and I thought it would guarantee weight loss (body shaming reflection post TBD).
I used to get on the treadmill and SUFFER through miles .
Sometimes, i’d go for a run outdoors with people and get so discouraged because they could run faster and longer than I could.
Everything changed when I ran 5 miles for the first time in June of 2018.
Granted, at the time I was in an unhealthy mental state and I felt like my life was falling apart.
I didn’t want to face my problems, so I LITERALLY ran away.
I strapped up my old pair of gym shoes, left my apartment and just ran.
I felt the pain in my shins as my feet pounded the pavement.
The summer sun beating down on my overheating body.
I was exhausted before I even got down the block from my apartment building.
I didn’t intend to run 5 miles.
Quite frankly i’d never ran anything more than 3 but something happened.
Once I was in the present, not focused on the past or the inevitable future, all that mattered was me.
& for the first time, I didn’t feel bad for being the center of my world.
What was remarkable to me was that I wasn’t just focused on myself, I was listening to my body.
I was starting to understand the language of my muscles.
The push, pull, ache, tension and ease that came with every stride made me react in tandem.
Slowing down as needed, picking up the pace as I felt necessary.
I also noticed I was encouraging myself.
I was engaging in a positive conversation with my body, uplifting myself the way I do other people with my words.
I kept saying things like you can do this, you can go one more block, you are so strong, you got this.
For a moment that felt like forever, I was beginning to feel the self-love I had been neglecting for years.
2 hours later, my run was complete.
5 whole miles!
I was intoxicated with the euphoria I felt.
All that mattered was this moment and the fact that I did something I never thought was possible, on my own.
I was hooked & in true Stephy fashion, I dived right in.
I said hey, if I can run 5 miles then I can do a half marathon & that is exactly what I did.
In the Journey of training my first half, I learned a lot about myself and running.
The sport is a beautiful metaphor for life.
Some runs are crap, some runs are great, sometimes you have to get out there in the rain and snow but as long as you can keep envisioning your goal, all of the external factors you cant control become irrelevant.
I learned what works best to keep myself motivated and I came to understand that I am not in competition with anyone.
A mile gets done whether you finish it in 8 minutes or 15.
The biggest lesson I learned was how to let others support me.
I had to just trust that my friends and family truly wanted to be there for me every time they came to a race.
Every cheer, every sign, every text.
They were doing it because they genuinely loved me.
For them, it may have just been impressive mileage and a bucket list race but for me its spiritual.
When I run I grant myself permission to be selfish, unapologetically.
No phone calls, no texts, just me, my favorite music and the present moment unified as one.
When my friends and family support this part of my life, they are supporting me learning about who I am as a person.
They are supporting me reclaiming autonomy of my life.
They are supporting the healing of wounds from years of self-doubt, fear, body shaming and mistrust.
With every cheer, every sign, every text, I am healing, I am an athlete, I am a runner.
Let me know in the comments what your ultimate self care ritual is and how it makes you feel.
Until next time,
xoxo Stephy
Loved your post today. You really are an inspiration. Strength training has changed my body remarkably although i still need a long way to go but I am happy with myself, something I haven’t felt in a long time. I am not going to lie I still have to work on myself mentally but with the help of my family I know I can pull through. Just remember self love is very important for your mental health. Thank you for your blog.
ReplyDeleteNo phone calls, no texts, just me, my favorite music and the present moment unified as one.
ReplyDeleteThat is false unless you put do not disturb or airplane mode lol. Someone can still text and call you lol. I joke!!
This is an awesome post and I can definitely relate. You are right, to the outside world it’s the pace that matters but to yourself, it’s an opportunity to be selfish and not be apologetic about it!
I ran track and field in high school (100m dash) and I hated long distance. I started running in early November 2020 to change my routine from working to couch potato. I was gassed the first few times I ran 3miles. To my surprise I fell in love with it bc I wanted to improve my time and to your point that is the only time I am truly by myself without interruptions from the world. And that’s a great feeling to do some self reflecting during that time (when I am not gassed).
Keep posting, I love it!!!
I can definitely relate . I feel many runners when starting off have difficulty labeling themselves as a runner because of pace . There is so much unknown and so much to compare yourself with . I also struggled with it . Thank you for sharing . Loved reading your journey ! Keep on inspiring !!
ReplyDelete“For a moment that felt like forever, I was beginning to feel the self-love I had been neglecting for years.”
ReplyDeleteHonestly, this is the type of self-care that I like… the kind that makes us wince when we remember how unkind to ourselves we once were. The kind that starts as a negative thought pattern and metamorphs into one that covers us in love like our grandparents’ quilts. Candles and plants and masks are cool, yes, but there’s something about sitting with ourselves and having those candid conversations. “How are you, self? We need to talk about a few things and establish some emotional boundaries between you and I…” That is what I like to see. And my baby, Chuck, you did this so graciously. I’m very proud of you. I love you. And I love that you’re loving yourself whether you feel like you deserve it or not. THAT is what self care is. And you’re doing the hell out of that! ❤
It’s interesting because I realized that I also don’t find myself trying to beat a marker more like just going… it’s something about getting lost in the breeze outside, the stomping of your footsteps the sound of your breathing.. sometimes I even turn off my music to allow myself to hear those things. I never thought I could be a runner because I always saw it as a mile I had to make and if I didn’t I failed… but who cares if I take 1,2, or 3 hrs to finish… so what.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness! Very late to this one but so glad I read it. You reminded me of why I love running and will eventually get back into it. That’s when I really really get to understand my body in new ways, talk to myself nicely, and test my limits while really focusing on the lyrics of my favorite run songs.
ReplyDeleteThe pandemic has made walks (particularly those without an agenda) a favorite self-care activity, but I’ll see if I add some runs soon.