What A Life

Hello my soul family!

What an emotional month it has been for me but I am so happy to be here this week sharing some of my life with you.

I am in transition and getting ready to live with my partner.

It’s the first time i’ve WANTED and had the OPPORTUNITY to live with a romantic partner.

Although the mental process of getting myself here was no small feat,

I am proud to say that I am no longer a ticket holder waiting for the train to pull in to the station.

I am now ON the train headed to my next destination.

The main motivator for me through this process has been thinking about all of the good that can come from co-habitation, and understanding that there is a deadline for this stress coming up soon.

The happiness is allowing me to see the light at the end of this stressful tunnel.

I’m overjoyed by the idea of frequent date nights and cuddles,

having someone to share household responsibilities with,

& finally (because lets face it I live in an expensive ass city) SAVING MONEY!

It wasn’t easy to get here though.

Like I stated above, my mental processing and not trusting my intuition was blocking my blessings.

My partner has been the driving force to move this relationship forward and I love them for it.

They KNOW that I am all in but have serious commitment issues due to toxic past relationships and childhood trauma.

Addressing these issues head on have allowed me to reflect on what I need from a partner to feel safe but also has allowed me to understand that sometimes, i’m just gonna have to do shit afraid.

Sometimes, I am going to have to let my partner take the lead and I have to trust their character enough to know that they will not fumble.

I am someone that if given the option, I will let myself stay stuck in a stagnant cycle because it is familiar.

When I am in situations where I always know what to expect, I feel like I have control and autonomy.

& I think we can all agree, stagnant cycles don’t allow you to glow up in life.

Merging my life together with another person has always scared me.

It felt like I would lose control but with my current partner I have learned, I don’t need to control anything.

Life happens, unexpected things come up, you don’t have to let it derail you, you can still make it to your destination.

It is beneficial for me to build a life with someone who shares my same values, dreams and goals.

It is beneficial for me to be with someone who will push me past my comfort zone and in to the learning zone, so we can achieve what we want, together.

For that, I am forever grateful to my love.

They have shown me the positives in being uncomfortable, what unconditional love truly is and how to trust someone (especially when they have given you nothing but reasons to continue to trust them with the most vulnerable parts of you)

Over the last month I have been dealing with

• Feelings of excitement because my partner and I are taking a big LEAP forward
• Feelings of grief because the “single phase” of my life is over
• Feeling like my independence is going away
• My abandonment issues rearing their ugly head
• & feelings of pride as a look at this situation and realize all the growth and work I have put in to my life to be here.

Even though my brain likes to play games with me and focus on the what if’s (anxiety I love you because you want to keep me safe but damn bitch, relax lol)

I have done so much personal work and together work with my partner.

I am nervous but not as scared as I used to be.

I am excited and happy even though i’m stressed with juggling work, me time, all of my personal relationships and packing.

Through all of these emotions one thing has been strikingly clear,

I am 100% sure that I have picked the best life partner for me.

Someone who wants this relationship to work as badly as I do, who values me, understands my ticks, and doesn’t take it personal when I have to do shit afraid. They love me even more for trusting them through the scariness.

Life is so good y’all.

I thank God, my ancestors and my spirit guides every night for answering my prayers and I know through it all they got me, my partner got me, my family got me and I GOT ME.

Until next time,

Peace & love.

-Stephy